Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
