You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
