you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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