they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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