got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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