i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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