We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
