you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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