i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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