I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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