You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
