I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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