I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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