singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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