i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
