why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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