i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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