I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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