i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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