dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
