i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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