recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
