I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
