Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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