I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
