Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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