And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
