When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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