So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
