Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
