perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
