he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
