Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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