am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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