Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
