Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Randomize
