apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Vodka?
Forever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
