dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
