She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize