fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
