is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
