I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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