is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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