i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
