I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
