she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I party with great urgency now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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