I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
