I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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