My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
love makes seman taste better
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
