i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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