Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So apparently I’m into choking now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
