He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
