I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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