I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
