Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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