uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
