You work out of a Hotel?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
