the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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