I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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