Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How does it feel to date your dad?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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