My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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