Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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