i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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