Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
