Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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