I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
