I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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